Grandiose Hopes

faro portugal

I went to bed last night with grandiose hopes about what would happen this morning when I woke up. Last night I wrote about how I’m broke, how I’m not sure how I’m going to pay for my lodging tomorrow, and I posted that post on a Reddit forum about finance that had something like 140,000 people connected at the time of me posting it. I thought this would drive tons of traffic to my site, and I’d wake up this morning with all kinds of page views and donations from complete strangers.

But that’s not how it works.

When I woke up this morning I had no emails. My financial situation was exactly the same. I just got a small payment from, the company I work for doing captioning for very little money, so now I’ll be able to pay for tomorrow night’s rent and food, but the question becomes: What about Wednesday? Several people owe me money, and I’m also waiting on an interpreting payment for a couple jobs I did in Seattle over Christmas, so I should be OK. Up until this point, I’ve never not been OK. My sister had a sticker on her fridge for a long time that said, “Everything will be OK in the end. If it’s not OK, it’s not the end.”

I’ve gotten in the habit of going to Starbucks every morning and spending 36 pesos on tea and an apple. This is approximately two dollars and is way more than I need to spend for breakfast. This morning, for example, I went to a bakery by my house I’d always seen but never gone into, and got a bread pudding for six pesos. It was delicious. I almost fell over on the walk home, such was the distraction caused by my rejoicing tastebuds. Of course today I’ll still go to Doña Marta’s for a lonche, since even if the apocalypse was coming the last thing I would do before death would be to eat a lonche de pierna or chilaquiles at Doña Marta’s corner store. If hellfire descended upon me but I was in the process of biting into one of Doña Marta’s sandwiches, the feelings of pain and ecstasy would just about cancel out.

Today I teach at the consulate, where I have a new student. This is possibly not the best idea, since there’s a good chance I’ll quit this consulate job soon. It doesn’t pay enough. I love it, I love teaching Spanish, and I love teaching at the consulate, but what they’re paying me is an abomination. At some point you have to decide what you’re worth. At some point you have to decide what’s really important in life, and for me it’s clear: lonches. I want to spend the rest of my days walking around Guadalajara, eating bread pudding, getting lonches, and talking to Doña Marta. The ends justify the means, and so now I’ll do whatever’s necessary to secure those ends. And as for going to bed with grandiose hopes, I’m not sure whether it’s better to go to bed with grandiose hopes and wake up disappointed, or never have those grandiose hopes in the first place. Time will tell.


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